the Scariest Thing

I’ve always done the things that have scared me the most. Sometimes it took awhile for me to actually do it, but I would always do it because I knew where I wanted to go. I wanted to build a business, so I did the scary things. I put myself out there even when I didn’t feel confident. I talked to people I didn’t know even though I felt intimidated. I did the research and made the phone calls. I posted content on social media even when I was scared of what other people would think. I spent money on trainings even though I wasn’t sure when or how I would recover the costs.

People have asked me how I’ve gotten to where I am now, personally, spiritually, emotionally and professionally. What I always say is that I do the things that scare me the most. We don’t get anywhere in life by merely thinking about what we want to accopmlish. We have to actually DO something, and that often means pushing through fear.

Doing the scary thing is often something we will benefit from in the long term. And knowing where we want to go doesn’t mean we won’t be afraid, but acting through the fear builds courage, strength and resiliency. We are taught to not act because of possible outcomes. We are taught to be “safe” and use caution when proceeding through life, to not take chances. We are taught to prepare for the worst, and make sure we have all the insurance!

But the fact is, anything can happen in life! We can prepare all we want, but there’s no guarantee “bad things” won’t happen or that we won’t fail. There’s no guarantee that our grand vision for life will happen how we think or even at all! In life, there’s NO guarantees that we will get what we want.

What is guaranteed, however, is that life will go on. We will continue on the path and learn along the way if we are open to the lessons. We will grow and gain wisdom. If we take risks in our lives we most likely won’t regret that we tried. Because it’s not about what we do or try to do…isn’t there a saying about when you’re on your death bed you don’t regret what you do in life, you regret what you didn’t do?

Sometimes for me the scariest things have been having difficult conversations and saying how I feel. It’s been traveling alone to places I haven’t been before. It’s been facing deep traumas and the accompanying emotions. It has been taking hard looks at myself at where I need to grow, change, heal or compromise.

Doing the things that scare me the most has not given me a fairy tale life. It’s given me deep, rich experiences that has helped me to create meaningful relationships, and a life I enjoy living. Facing the things that I’m most afraid of has given me opportunities to learn, to realize my limits, my resilience, and to see how strong and capable I am.

I believe that we are here to experience every part of life—all the hard, fun, sweet, bitter and scary things. Because, in life, we don’t often know where we are going or even how we will get there, but what we are doing along the way in each moment, in my humble opinion, is the whole point of our human existence.

Oh, How We Grow

Somewhere in my early 20’s I developed a deep inner knowing that life’s challenges are just opportunities for growth. There was an accident? Opportunity for growth. If I got sick, or someone rubbed me the wrong way, I would ask myself: “What is this showing me? What lesson am I learning?”

I developed this view from diving into my personal healing…reading books, counseling, talking to trusted friends and healers, and in my spiritual practice, asking for higher guidance.

I knew it annoyed the heck out of my son when experiencing something difficult, and I would say something to the effect of: “What is the opportunity for growth here?” But deep in my core, I believe that Earth is a school of learning. I believe we came to grow and evolve, to gain higher awareness and explore who we really are.

From this vantage point, life has meaning, and there are no “accidents”.

Yet to embrace this philosophy means that one must embrace full responsibility for ALL of the thoughts, feelings and choices made in life. This isn’t always easy. Many of us weren’t taught to take responsibility for our thoughts and feelings. It can be very convenient to cast blame for anger, sadness or frustration. It can feel easier to point the finger instead of going inward and exploring our emotions, and the root causes of those emotions.

This can make our lessons challenging. Yet, if everything was easy in life, wouldn’t we be bored to tears?

I know that I was always “in training” to do what I do now. All of the hardships and challenges were (and still are!) preparing me to help my clients and students in deep and meaningful ways.

Because of my experiences, I’m able to relate and connect with compassion to those who seek me out. This is only because I allow myself to see the gifts and lessons in what life presents me with, and ask for help along the way when I need it.

All of the difficult circumstances I face and have faced in life I recognize to be my greatest gifts. Sometimes I greatly resist the lessons. Other times it’s easier for me to face them head on, but I’ve learned enough to know that I will have to face them one day, one way or another.

When you’ve faced difficulties have you been able to see the opportunity for growth within that challenge? Sometimes we see the lesson right away, sometimes the meaning of the lesson comes weeks, months, or even years later.

But within all the hard stuff, another strong belief I hold is that we are NOT meant to go it alone. We are meant to seek out support so that we can learn and grow together. Sometimes that support finds us before we even ask, but sometimes the lesson to learn is simply about asking for help.

Asking for help or learning new ways to process difficulties in life can feel really hard or scary. But it’s one of the bravest things we can do. Whether its friend, family member or a professional, taking that first step and saying “I need help” can sometimes be the hardest part when deciding we want to create change in our lives.

But once we ask for help, we invite a new wave of energy and support to flow towards us, which can give us strength as we move through the challenges in life. This allows us to find the gifts and blessings that await us on the other side of the lesson.

slowly….into each season

Moving slowly through life isn’t something we often see supported in modern culture. Keep moving is often the message. Keep reaching for the next thing, keep striving for the next goal. I think people are hungry for a different message. How about, move more slowly? Stop, and notice what’s around you? Pause to witness what you’ve already done?

When we can give pause in our lives, after small daily tasks or big life projects, we are able to integrate all that we’ve done, celebrate, or ponder the lessons we may have learned. When we pause in life and wait for the next inspiration or rush of motivational energy to flow through us, it’s more than likely in alignment with our heart’s desires and will bring a deeper sense of contentment.

What is the rush through life all about, anyway? What are we rushing towards? Or perhaps, what are we running from?

When we’re hurrying through each day, we often don’t get to enjoy what we’ve accomplished. We miss moments with loved ones, beautiful scenes in nature, and perhaps even important lessons or messages that circumstances in life provide for us.

In fact, there is no need to push ourselves through time…we are always moving! The Earth doesn’t stop spinning (thanks for that, by the way, Earth!), the seasons never cease to come and go, our body systems are always working…so there’s really no need for us to hurry through. We have a natural invitation to follow the flow of life, the flow of our bodies, the seasons of the earth and the seasons of life. This flow will sometimes propel us forward more quickly, and sometimes the flow will invite us to move more slowly into each season.

We can still set goals, work towards our goals and achieve them without rushing, but that’s not something we often remember, or perhaps are even aware of. It’s almost like we’re in a constant competition with ourselves to do more, get more, be more, make more. This gives us a never ending dissatisfaction in life that keeps us racing through life, and so we may end up missing the experiences of what’s happening to and around us.

The art of slowing down is something that helps remind me to be more present and enjoy life. One thing I practice and have come to love is witnessing the changes that take place where I call home in Northern California each season. I practice taking in the beauty of the trees, the sky and landscape that Mother Nature offers. Don’t get me wrong, I still have to remind myself to slow down. Yet, the more I take pause, the less I have to remind myself to slow down. The more I slow down, the more I find myself appreciating the little moments in life, or facing emotions that have been rising to the surface.

And aren’t those little moments ALL of life? All strung together like a beautiful, sometimes messy tapestry that we are designed to experience?

And Still…..

When I go through difficult seasons in life, that’s where I find the greatest challenge to slow down. I have to consciously stop myself from distracting myself from feeling and facing the challenge. Those are the times I want to avoid the stillness, to run and hide from difficult emotions. Yet the stillness is where the quiet profundity can be realized and taken in; deeper meanings and connections of life’s circumstances can be realized and understood.

I sometimes try to push down the grief or the anger that wants to be seen and felt….and I’ll find things to busy myself that hurry me through each moment. Yet, for each of us, those emotions, those deeper themes in life are lessons, points of wisdom and growth that will never go away. They just follow us and wait for us to pause, to create space, at first patiently, and then those lessons get louder and louder if we keep ignoring them and rushing through life.

One thing I’ve learned to do over time is not to ignore the emotions completely. This helps avert a “healing crisis” or complete overwhelm and burnout. I’ve learned to make time for myself, to explore what is surfacing, and when needed, get help and support from others. This has been a work in progress, and I’m getting better at it bit by bit, season by season.

I think there is a way to change the modern rush culture, the Keeping Up with the Joneses paradigm, or whatever you want to call it. It’s called: “Turn off your phone”, or “Take some time of work”, or “Watch the sun set/rise”, or “Close your eyes and listen to the sound of the rain”.

It’s the small moments we can learn to be present with that will take us slowly into the next moment, and these moments teach us to flow into the next chapter and the next season of our lives.

A Birthday Gift

I tend to keep track of the “new year” at my birthday. Each year, I reflect on the past year, what I’ve learned, how I’ve grown, what my challenges were, and see where I want to have a “new start”. Sometimes, I set bigger goals like a project or travel plans, but usually it’s simple intentions, like cultivating peace or kindness, things I know I can work on in my daily life.

My birthday month is August, and so I’ve been reflecting on how this past year has been for me. I’ve grown a lot, and a lot of exciting new things have happened—I opened a new wellness center with wonderful people, I’m living my dream job, hosted spiritual retreats, and have made deep connections with friends and family.

Yet amidst the joys and new beginnings were a lot of hard emotions and challenges to move through. I was challenged to practice living in the moment in a deep way, and to cultivate patience. I revisited old coping mechanisms that aren’t healthy for me and gained weight. Yet through my reflections, I’ve been able to see the gift in the challenges and revisiting these coping mechanisms—the gift was that I practiced an entirely new way of being. Instead of beating myself up or telling myself I “should” do this or that, or “make a plan”, I just stopped judging myself. The old me would have been really hard on myself, but instead, I consciously replaced judgment with compassion and unconditional love for self.

I was able to recognize and see myself in the challenges I was going through, and the old coping-mechanisms and weight gain were messengers for me, inviting me to take a deeper look at old traumas and woulds. By allowing myself to lovingly embrace the unhealthy choices I was making, I was actually acting in self-compassion.

It became easier for me to see my human journey from a higher perspective and remove myself from old programs of self-worth being dependent on a certain behavior or non-behavior.

And though I’ve thought this for many years, my own actions of self-love really hit home—I could clearly see that self-compassion, love, and acceptance is what will carry humanity in to the next phase of consciousness. I truly believe our higher consciousness is asking us to step into a level of authenticity we’ve never experienced collectively in our known history.

As long as we’ve been aware, most social groups and cultures urge humanity to think “this way or that”, to do this thing and not the other…be a part of this group and avoid that one. Yet what this has done for us humans is created a barrier of separation between our brothers and sisters on the planet, and has created a feeling and idea of separation within our own true selves. It’s like we’ve been taught to ignore the inner voice that will allow us to to take action (or non-action) as the true expression of who we really are, just so that we feel like we belong to a group.

In this past year, in my own practice of radical self-acceptance, I began to wonder if we allowed ourselves to practice this level of compassion and acceptance of self, would we cultivate an inner peace and knowing that we belong no matter what? To ourselves, the earth, to All That Is? And from this feeling of self-belonging, would we remember our connection to one another, that we DO belong, no matter our thoughts or beliefs?

Through this reflection, I am in no way disregarding what we have and are experiencing collectively, and the very real idea of separation from one another. Yet what I suggest is that perhaps the world events can be a catalyst for change to a new way of being, connecting and relating to our fellow humans. What if self-love and compassion for who we are, what we’ve done, what we think and believe, is the catalyst for compassion and acceptance of others?

For myself, I’ve experienced a radical change in accepting others who think/act/believe differently than me, and can’t help but see the correlation of the radical self-acceptance I’ve been cultivating within. Our existence on the planet, and the true purpose of being here, conscious and alive, is very much a mystery…and yet, within this mystery, there are clues to experiencing peace and joy. These clues are not how we can force our personal or group will on another, but rather accept one another with compassion.

Like Gandhi stated, what if we became what we wanted to see in the world? For me, that’s peace, love and contentment. As I’ve committed to practice self-compassion, I’ve witnessed a shift within myself I’ve never experienced—especially in a currently highly polarized world. I have more understanding and love for all humans than I have ever experienced in my short time on the planet….

From this perspective, I have hope and faith, and wonder if this could be a solution, if this could be a beginning of a new way to live, to end war and conflict, to care for one another and our earth with loving kindness?

So this new year, I will begin with a deeper acceptance of self and other, with a renewed hope for peace, practicing to the best of my ability to flow with the changes of my life in a state of compassion. In this compassion I intend to honor the stage and phase of life I’m currently in, and as it changes. I intend to continue practicing acceptance and deep compassion towards self, because I know this is a way for me to accept the earth and her people for who and where they are, with kindness and understanding.

Chasing the Dream

I distinctly remember a walk I took on a rocky path alongside a lake a few years ago. It was mid-summer and this rocky path at this particular lake is one I am very familiar with. Yet because of the way the stones line the shore, I was unable to look very far in front of me or I would lose my footing. I decided to walk slowly, and paused from time to time to look at the beautiful colors bouncing off the water. I stopped to notice the clouds drifting in the warm breeze and the gulls that squawked mid-flight. Every few steps I would pause and breathe, and give thanks for the beauty that surrounded me and for the joy that I felt.

I knew the spot on the shore I wanted to stop at, so at each pause, I would look ahead and notice where I was, and see how much closer I was getting to the spot on the beach. Each step required me to look at the rocks I was stepping on because some of them were flat and unstable, and a few would slip beneath my feet, so it required me to be steady on my other foot and pay attention to my balance.

It wasn’t long into my walk when I realized that each step I take in my own life is just like taking steps on the rocky path. Isn’t life a rocky path anyway? If I take my time and walk slowly and deliberately, I will notice the beauty and joy that is available to me in every moment. I will have more opportunity to reflect on where I came from and experience gratitude.

For some reason, in that moment in front of the lake, this realization struck me, perhaps not for the first time, but in a more profound way. The act of always “looking ahead” is such a deep part of modern western culture. How many times had I heard things like, “live in the moment” or “enjoy the process” but continued to barrel ahead in my life?

I wondered how many times I had missed intuitive guidance or opportunities because I was so focused on where I was going, rather than how I was getting there and where I was in each moment. I remember asking myself, “How many times during your life do you forget to pay attention to the path you are on, Jane? How many times do you rush ahead, missing out on the journey, only focused on the destination?”

The answer to myself wasn’t surprising: Almost all the time. I’m the type of person who loves planning, dreaming, and thinking of the future. Like many, I’m sure, I have big dreams and I tend to get excited about the outcome—forgetting to focus on the path in front of me, the step I am taking, and what is around me in each moment.

That moment standing on a heap of sun-beaten rocks, helped me become more aware of this aspect of myself. It reminded me that I am always on the path, and always will be on the path! There is no need to rush. As I reach each destination, won’t it be more fulfilling if I enjoy the process along the way? Won’t I feel more stable in my footing if I pay attention to where I’m placing my feet? It doesn’t mean I won’t slip and skin my knee sometimes….but if I pay attention to what is around me, I will be more fulfilled than I would ever be constantly chasing the dream….

Over the past few years I have steadily become more aware of life’s process, and my journey. I have become more willing to stand in the uncertainty and focus on the lessons I am learning, and take in my surroundings. This has helped me to cultivate more gratitude and joy as I live more mindfully. Rather than chasing the future, I have been learning to look to the future, knowing where I may be headed, but not necessarily how it will unfold.

Because if I choose to live a life chasing the dream means I will always be seeking what is “out there”, yet the dream I am living is always right here, in this moment.

Flying Into the unknown

Recently, a small, yellow bird flew into my house through the back door late in the afternoon. Because the ceilings of my house are high, and there is a ledge that connects the vaulted ceilings, the bird found places to perch; the leaves of the plant on the ledge, doors, picture frames, the ceiling fans and light fixtures.

As the sun went down, the house was darkening, and though the back door was wide open, the bird was unable to perceive how she could make her escape. She flew from fan, to light fixture, to ledge, to the top of the door, but she wasn’t able to see the door that was open for her. I watched the bird as her wings rapidly fluttered, and she flew from one end of the house to the other, seemingly panicked at the idea of being stuck in a large cage.

I decided to focus on other tasks in hopes that she would eventually fly out, and began to reflect on the scenario. It occurred to me that we humans are so much like this bird, and I thought to myself:

“How many times have I flown back and forth, trying to get back into the same door, looking for different solutions? How many times have I tried the same thing over and over when the answer is beyond my perception?”

It was about two hours before she flew outside to the back patio, where she perched under the eaves of the house, and then back into the house again. I laughed, as I was reminded of myself, and how many times I’ve “flown back” to the same things expecting different results.

Frantic, she flew out and in two more times before I was able to close the door fast enough so that she wouldn’t fly back in. Once outside with the door shut, I watched as she flew just beneath the eaves and perched on the string of lights. Finally, with a simple maneuver, the sky opened up before her, and she flew into the night, free once again.

After she flew away, I began to reflect on the idea that if we humans don’t choose to fly into the unknown, our lives can become unfulfilling, narrow-focused or stagnant. If we don’t take risks, we may miss opportunity, and if we stick to what is familiar expecting different results, we set ourselves up for disappointment.

For the most part, the human life is programmed to choose the safe option, to go with what’s already known, to assess all possible scenarios before making a decision. And though this may be prudent in certain situations, if we want to grow or create change in our lives, there may be times when we are called to choose the unknown.

So often in life, we find ways to limit our experiences by sticking to what is familiar and what we have known in the past, because in our minds, this feels “safer” than stepping into the unknown and trying something new. We use the same resources, choose the familiar patterns, habits or routines, simply because it’s what we know and trust.

We’re often so afraid of what we don’t know, that we miss possibilities in a universe of unlimited potential.

In order to be open to unlimited potentials, we have to let go. This means releasing expectations, releasing attachment to ideas and thoughts, releasing the things we know it’s time to let go of….and this action of letting go creates space for the new.

Letting go isn’t giving up, it’s trusting in ourselves—trusting that growth and change can happen, that something we may never have thought of before can bring something good, necessary or different into our lives. Always choosing what we know limits our growth and potential, especially when we know we need to grow and change, emotionally, spiritually, mentally or physically.

It can feel scary to take risks, to do something new or different, yet if you can remind yourself that you’ve made it this far, you begin to build trust in yourself, and gain strength to keep going. In order to grow, we must learn to trust ourselves to keep going, even if the outcome of a new venture isn’t exactly how we thought it would be.

We have to be able to trust ourselves to pick ourselves up, even when learning how to fly takes us to the ground. Learning to trust the self is being vulnerable enough to admit that there may be times when we need help, or that we may have to be open to a new concept, idea, or way of thinking.

Trusting the self does not mean you have it “all figured out”, or even that it will work out. Trusting the self is admitting that there is more to know, more to learn, more to experience, beyond what your imagination may come up with.

Flying into the unknown is where growth occurs and innovation is born. This is where we have the potential to find new joy—and yes challenge—but perhaps more often than not, a feeling of satisfaction and a healthy sense of self-worth. We are not meant to stay the same. We are not meant to do the same things over and over again. We are meant to spread our wings and create new in our lives, even if the light in the distance is dim, and we have a hard time seeing in the dark.

-Jane Miners